Dawn is a mixed bag. Pros: makes great oatmeal, gives AMAZING back rubs, always remembers your birthday. Cons: never wants to go in on a pitcher of mimosas at brunch, says “cool beans”, won’t shut up about kale. She didn’t shut up about it before it was an “It” food, and she won’t shut up about it now that its passé. She doesn’t wear makeup except for a single swipe of red lipstick on special occasions, and her skin always looks like she just stepped out of a Finnish sauna. Her hair is naturally ombre. She doesn’t coddle her friends, but she is always kind. She refers to her morning runs as “gifts”. She’s the friend you love to hate, but mostly you just begrudgingly love her.

She has you over for soup; it’s a chickpea and kale number, and its delicious, but seriously Dawn, cool it with the kale. It’s the middle of winter, but she is hosting, so she can wear this light summery dress with a seashells on it, an homage to her California roots. Speaking of roots, did I mention that her hair is naturally ombre? Fuck Dawn.